Tonight I’m going to talk about being present and seeing presences. I’ve been trying to understand what it means to live in the now. For me I guess I want to see presences in order to understand living it. What I fail to miss is that “now” is as simple as breathing in and out.
When I was a kid horrible things were happening to me and I couldn’t comprehend at the time. So what did I do, I stopped breathing and held everything inside me.
As I got older I got heavier but still kept everything inside and not breathing…a friend of mine told me I had a blocked chakra in my throat. She explained to me that I kept stuff inside me. My blocked throat kept me from talking about the deep rooted pain and painful memories. It also stopped me from achieving my goals and being happy. I was always filled with guilt.
About a few weeks ago, I had a really bad argument with my sister with everything going on around us. Then a week later after the argument, I went to pick up Vida from school and walked to therapy together. I walked in with my gorilla posture and talked OT lady name Shelly. We sat and chatted while Vida was colouring her pictures. After we chatted Shelly had me lay on the table and that’s when things started to open up. What she taught me to do is breathe and let go, it was really painful. She explained how tight I was and this could be the cause of me having a stroke. After we were done, Shelly explained when you have bad dreams. It’s because you’re not breathing and you have too much stress built up.
After seeing Shelly a few times, I started to get taller and felt better. My posture was getting better and felt comfortable to sit up straight. Which was really unusual for me but at the same time I felt great inside.
The last session I had with Shelly, she asked me how was I feeling lately. I said I’m starting to feel mindful and aware of myself. Then she explained what she was doing to me and told me to look up Rolfing. Shelly explained that there are two ways to heal your body, talk to a psychiatrist for years or you can Rolf it out. Muscles build up memories and lots of pain was in my muscles from years of adversity and abusive childhood. What Shelly does is painfully but afterwards I feel lighter and happier on the inside.
In order for me to be present and see presences, I have to let go of my painful past and move on. All that stuff I was carrying was weighing me down and just depressing me a lot. I became super unhealthy, eventually everything caught up with me when I had a stroke almost 6 months ago. I’m extremely lucky that Shelly came into myself and woke up my body and made me breathe again. So I want to share with people who suffer from depression, had a stroke, heart attack, diabetes and other disease/disorders that you’re not alone. I don’t know if Rolfing is a cure or that it’s for you. But it might help you see life and things that happen a little more clearly. It’s painful and make sure you know your limits when attempting this technique. One thing Rolfing has done is brought me to the present so I can see what is going on NOW !!!